I’m not sure why I started this. More precisely, I’m not sure why I started this today.
I like to write poetry and snippets of prose and so I keep telling people that I’m a writer at heart, but how can I be a writer if I have nothing to show for it. I don’t think a blog post is me showing for it, but it’s one step closer.
I have a lot of ideas or takes on life and I wanted to create a TikTok account at one point — the series would be titled “what I learned today,” 30-second videos on some lesson or idea that popped into my head that day. I never started it. I’m not sure why. I think maybe there was an ulterior motive to become TikTok famous and not have to work again. And maybe that motive turned me off. How many videos would I have to post before I became TikTok famous? But the point of the account was just to get my thoughts out in the wild — it had nothing to do with UGC or followers. My friend says I play 4-D chess a lot and it seems like the most common opponent is myself. I don’t think a blog post is a TikTok account, but it’s one step closer.
Maybe that should be my motto this year. I have these dreams — these big dreams that stretch farther than reality. But I get scared. Scared about what? About starting? Failing? Scared that once I pursue the dream, it will fall from the sky and crumble into pieces of delusion, and that all the hope and admiration I had put into it was nothing but a farce. This substack, in a way, is me taking one step closer to a goal. What goal? An arbitrary one that I just constructed for myself. Maybe by the end of this, my expectations will have shattered. In what way, we won’t know until we get there. And with this blog post, I will be one step closer to knowing.
Thanks for reading.
this one hits. i like it 🙂
Amen